PS. While you are sleeping.

Recently, you will only take naps if someone is holding you upright. Probably because you are so stuffy.

Honestly, sometimes it's pretty irritating because there are a million things I need to do. But most of the time I am completely overwhelmed at how lovely it feels to have little warm you snoring on my chest. And when I look down and see your eyelashes brushing against your cheeks, your button of a nose, and your mouth open in that perfect o - I sometimes get choked up. You are so tiny and fully dependent on your dad and me. All I want is to protect you and teach you how to be good and honest and creative and brave.

So while you are sleeping, I whisper these things to you. I know wishing isn't enough - that I have to be an example and answer hard questions. But I think the whispers and wishes don't hurt.

And I already see glimpses of the good, honest, creative, brave girl you are becoming.

Letters to a little one - mo. 5

wonder woman to the rescue

Dear Molly,

It's been a rough month for you, I'm afraid. You got sick when we were in Ohio for the holidays and basically couldn't kick it all month. A lot of snot, coughing, fevers, and tears.

such sick eyes.  poor baby.

One of my all time worst days came this month, when we went to the doctor and we tried a breathing treatment (you screamed the whole time), they tested you for RSV and pertussis by sticking metal rods up your nose (you SCREAMED the whole time) and worst of all, you had to have a chest X-ray.  For baby chest X-rays, they balance you on a little bicycle seat and literally smushed you into a glass jar. Then I had to walk away and leave you there. I've never heard you scream so loud. I was sobbing the whole time (and am tearing up while writing this). I know you already don't remember any of it, but I'm scarred for life. Thankfully, all the tests were negative. They think you have bronciolitis and that we might just deal with long, intense colds.

But! There have been such joys too. You are so beautiful. I mean seriously gorgeous. You have these long eyelashes that even strangers stop to comment on. As you gain weight, you have these perfect cheeks. Your little lips purse together in the most adorable way.

And when you smile.

Oh, when you smile.

Even through being sick, you still smile and make your crazy noises all the time. You are very frugal with your laughs, so we are beyond delighted when you give us one. Your neck is getting so strong and I can put you on my hip and you look around everywhere.

You have some new tricks. You can now grab onto your toes while you are laying on your back. You did this for the first time while I was working late one night and I was completely brokenhearted that I had missed it. I know it seems like a little thing, but it was the first first that I missed. I just have to remember to treasure the second or third time all the same. I just love you so much and am so freaked out that I'm making mistakes. But you are forgiving (thank you) and you grabbed your feet as soon as I walked in and gave me a big smile (thank you again).

You also roll over!! It is hilarious - you look like a windmill, your arms flailing about and then you flip to your back and look at us with a smile.

You make your dad and I laugh everyday.  We do ridiculous things to you (and the cats).  Pat read online that the new "thing" that kids are doing these days is "breading" which is putting a peice of bread on cat's heads.  Dumb I know.  So we did this to you:

i swear you weren't this upset the whole time, but this photo is hilarious.

We are a real family, the three of us. You are ours and we are yours.

Molly, I love you to the moon.

Mom