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| via audrey hepburn complex |
Hello babyfish,
Its your mom. You know, the lady that you are rolling around inside when she is trying to go to sleep?
We've just finished our whirlwind of travels. You have already been to 2 other countries (Canada and Czech Republic) and 4 other states (Ohio, Pennsylvania, California, Maine). We had so much fun everywhere we went - but (as you'll soon learn), your mom is not very good at taking it easy. I unfortunately was made with only 2 settings: full speed ahead and the most lazy person alive. And apparently, growing you takes a little bit out of me. This last trip to Ohio then to Pennsylvania then to Maine then back to Arizona was perhaps a bit too much for me at 34 weeks pregnant - but I'm so glad I did it and got to see so many people.
So now begins "the most lazy person alive" phase. And I'm looking forward to it.
You aren't causing me too many problems, you little easy baby. You move around at night, but I kind of like that. And I haven't really been sick or achy much at all. I don't have many cravings - but I have been eating a slightly excessive amount of pineapple, avocado, peanut butter, and chocolate chip cookies. Not together.
... four weeks. insane.
When I was in high school, I always dreaded dances. Especially the dressy ones. I was not very cool - I readily admit this. I either went to dances with my long time boyfriend or with a group of girls. And usually your grandma made my dresses. And I did terrible things to my hair. Anyway, for about a week leading up to any homecoming, prom, etc, I'd get this feeling that I can never describe. Kind of like I'm thirsty, but don't want anything to drink. Or like I'm standing in front of a million dresses and I have to pick just one, very quickly. This feeling is so overwhelming that I just can't shake it. Now I recognize it as anxiety - just pure, old fashioned, anxiety.
I am having that High School Dance Feeling on overdrive lately, especially when I think of you getting here. And all the water in the world doesn't make it go away. The anxiety is mixed with excitement and anticipation, but to be honest, its mostly anxiety this week.
Sometimes its serious things like: What if I'm not good at breast feeding and I give up and let you down?
Sometimes its hilarious things like: What if my water breaks at work? Who cleans that up??
Sometimes its ridiculous things like: What if you don't like your "baby corner" (as if you'll REALLY care)? What if you don't like me?
Sometimes its nothing specific. Just an overwhelming feeling.
But its pretty much constant.
I'm looking forward to your arrival. In my experience, sometimes the anticipation of something can be torturous, and then the actual event/change is so natural and easy. I'll hope for that.
Your dad and I love you a lot (or at least we think we do - and we are quite certain we definitely will once you are out of there).
Hang in there - I'll try to too.
Love,
Mom
